


terrified

by loserbevs



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Crushes, First Kiss, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mutual Pining, Secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-08-22 17:25:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16602356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loserbevs/pseuds/loserbevs
Summary: “i think i’m in love with you and i’m terrified.” + kaspbrough





	terrified

**Author's Note:**

> anonymous prompt from tumblr!

eddie still isn’t really cool with the whole ‘liking boys’ thing, despite having realized it pretty damn young.

and he’s not to blame. a tiny town full of bigots, a mother obsessed with health and how the ‘gay scene’ was killing men in bigger cities with their shared needles and unprotected, unholy sex acts.

he remembers bill denbrough, ten years old and rosy-cheeked, stuttering out a soft ‘h-hi! i’m b-bill. n-nice to meet y-you!’. eddie swears that was the moment his life changed forever.

bill’s only gotten handsomer as the years go on, and eddie finds himself falling harder and harder for his best friend every time the taller boy laughs or smiles or stutters or blinks or breathes.

and god, he’s so scared of that.

bill isn’t scared of anything. he faces bullies head-on (despite getting some nasty bruises in return), and he never runs or hides from a fight.

eddie wishes he could be more like that. there’s this fire inside of him that he knows could spark if only his mother would stop trying to snuff him out. he knows there’s something raw within him, the urge to follow bill wherever.

but he’s too scared to even tell him how he feels.

they’re in bill’s bedroom that night, sixteen and indulging in potato chips, cheesy pop music, and coca-cola as they half-heartedly attempt to finish an english project they’ve got due on tuesday.

“i c-can’t do this anym-more, eds. i f-feel like my b-brain is gonna fr-fry,” bill announces out of nowhere, flopping back against his mattress and dramatically throwing an arm over his eyes, the movement jerking his sweater and pulling the hem up around his hip, showing a small expanse of pale, soft skin that makes eddie want to reach out and touch it. instead, he averts his eyes so fast, he nearly gives himself whiplash.

“we can take a break,” he mumbles.

bill sits up again, his hair mussed up now from the pillows. he’s grinning.

“t-that’s my boy, e-eds!” he says, clapping eddie on the back playfully.

eddie’s skin practically burns where he’s touched.

“hey bill?”

“y-yeah?”

“tell me a secret.”

“huh?”

“tell me a secret,” eddie repeats. he doesn’t know why. he just wants to hear what bill will reply.

bill tilts his head curiously, then bites his bottom lip in thought. eddie looks away again, afraid what thoughts will fill him if he watches the soft skin of bill’s mouth pulled between his teeth and wonder what it would feel like if bill did it to  _ his _ lip.

“i w-write short stories so-sometimes,” bill finally says, his voice quiet. “i th-think i wa-want to b-be a writer someday.”

eddie feels his lips curl into a smile. “really? that’s awesome! i’d love to read one of them, one day. only if you were comfortable with it, obviously, but-“

“w-when i finish one i’m pr-proud of, you’ll be the fir-first to r-read it,” bill promises, grinning. “now it’s your turn.”

“huh?” 

“now you have to tell me a secret.”

eddie frowns. screws up his face in thought. god, he didn’t think this conversation through. he doesn’t have many secrets, at least not from bill. “i think i’m in love with you and i’m terrified,” he finally says after a moment, the words tumbling from his lips before he can give them a second thought. it’s the only thing he’s never told bill.

bill appears to freeze, his mouth opening and closing as he struggles to speak, but not because of his stutter. “what?” he finally asks.

“nothing!” eddie immediately says, but it’s too late to back out now. it’s left his lips and now he has to deal with the consequences.

“why are you terrified?”

“because...i’m not, i just shouldn’t-”

and bill, ever the impulsive and brave one, leans forward and presses their lips together clumsily. and god, eddie has wanted this for so long. he isn’t sure if he’s doing it right, but it doesn’t matter. it’s perfect regardless, and even the thought of the germs in the human mouth can’t deter him from how fucking _ happy  _ he is.

they pull away, both of their faces flushed and smiles curling on each of their lips.

“still scared?” bill asks softly.

“a bit,” eddie admits, “but not of you. of everyone else, i guess. but never you.”

bill chuckles softly, and reaches out to wrap an arm around eddie’s shoulders, holding him close.

and for once, eddie thinks that everything is going to be alright.


End file.
